May 24, 2021

At 7:52 on a Saturday morning I had my sons’ soccer uniforms laid out, along with plenty of snacks for the day, and extra socks, coats, and caps (it is May, but the soccer tournament was played at the base of the Big Horn Mountains, so one hour we were in danger of sunburns, and the next we were being pelted with graupel (that’s a new word I that week, after we had several bouts of crazy spring graupel)). They were both still sleeping, and I was so proud of myself preparing for the day, trying my best to keep them as comfortable as possible and trying to set them up for success. 

I smiled and bragged to myself, “I am a good mom.” 

At 8:52 I was madly pulling out of the drive thru line that we had been waiting in for what seemed like hours. I had promised the boys we could swing through and redeem the “free donut” certificates they had received in their green drawstring bags provided by the soccer tournament sponsors. When I made that promise I did not anticipate:

• a) underestimating stoplights and travel time in a town that has thousands more people than my teeny town that doesn’t even have a full thousand or 

• b) leaving late. (I was also having an internal battle with myself asking why in the world I was still making promises like this—when was I going to learn? Sigh.)

I shook my head and broke it to myself, “I am the worst mom.”

As a coach, I share a lot with people about self talk. I get pretty frustrated when my own self talk follows the dramatic yet common trend of this example. It is easy to fall into a pattern of negative self talk, and I am harder on myself than anyone else. Because of this unfortunate slippery slope, it is necessary for frequent check-ins. I try to be intentional about checking in with myself, just like I do with my own kiddos, athletes, and clients. Here are some questions that might be helpful as you monitor your self talk:      

• What patterns of self talk am I noticing today? 

• When have I recently praised myself?

• When have I recently criticized myself? 

• What do I say to my kids when they need encouragement?

• What one thing can I do today that will promote the practice of healthier self talk?

As you think about these questions, remember the importance of self awareness and self discipline, yes, and also self grace. Parents wear a million hats, and sometimes the only person around to talk to is ourselves, for crying out loud! Begin to notice your self talk patterns. If you tend to be really critical, think about how you talk to your best friend—try talking to yourself like that. Like any healthy habit, practicing positive self talk takes, well, practice. Now go ahead and give yourself a compliment. (Just remember to say thank you.)