Zorro

As a parent, my spouse and I spend incessant energy helping our children practice the habit of finding the positive– in people and situations. We talk about what we can control, our “positive controllables” (thoughts, actions, words). Sometimes they do pretty well at this, more often, they exhaust us. 

It is snowy and cold outside and they say, “Why do we have to walk to school? Everybody (they love hyperbole) else gets to drive. Walking to school is the worst!” 

We remind them how lucky we are to live close enough to walk, how we should thank God we have strong enough legs and lungs to walk, we don’t have to turn on the cold vehicle and use extra gas, we live in a beautiful town and get to take time to look at the snowy trees, the dog needs a walk. . . 

“Why do we have to eat this?! Why can’t we eat something good!”

We remind them it is good to eat a variety of foods, you have to have vegetables to grow strong, your dad spent a lot of time and energy cooking this dinner, just eat the flipping food provided for you, for the love! 

“Why do we have to vacuum/sweep/do the dishes/put our clothes away?” 

We remind them how lucky we are to have a home to take care of, that having dishes means we have enough food to eat, (remember that conversation we just had – for the thousandth time – at the dinner table?), how amazing it is that we have so many cool clothes to pick from and wear each day. 

Every once in a while we feel like our kids have heard us, that we’ve really gotten through to them. Dang, does that feel good! Jer and I might lock eyes and share a quick affirming smile. We might check on the sleeping children, who look so angelic when their little eyes are closed and their mouths are quiet, and smile with pride. Then morning comes and . . . we start all over. 

Sigh.
Lately we, like everyone, have been discussing masks– to wear or not to wear? Luckily our kids have been pretty good about when we tell them to wear masks, but just like with a million other things, we have to look for strategies that help keep the negative thought tendencies at bay. 

Our seven year-old, Jackson, brought home a school project last year where he noted that he wants to one day be a brain surgeon. Perfect! Brain surgeons wear masks all the time– great practice! Justin, our ten year-old, loves Star Wars. Many of those characters wear fancy masks, too, (I don’t know if many of the “good guys” wear masks, but one can’t get caught up in those details). Jordan is a pre-teen. She is starting to get those embarrassing blackheads and pimples around her chin and lips (full disclosure, I still get those flipping things, and it drives me nuts)! If we wear masks, we don’t have to worry about someone seeing a gross pussy whiteheads. All the kids are also into Marvel and Avengers, and do they have some sweet masks. And of course, Zorro! I know his mask covers his eyes, but still.

If any of this resonates with you, know you are not alone. It can feel exhausting and a bit like a losing battle trying to combat so much negativity surrounding so many issues and situations, not only from our kids, but from people in numerous settings. As a coach, I constantly study and explore the art of questioning and strive to enter situations in a posture of curiosity. When you are feeling those negative tendencies pulling at you, in any area of your life, ask yourself these questions:

• What is the risk versus reward ratio in this situation, as far as what I say or don’t say, how I react? 

• What can I control? 

• What is positive about this situation?

• What do I hope my kids/the people in my sphere of influence remember about my reaction in this situation? 

The next time you find yourself in a tricky situation where you don’t know exactly how to react and how to lead best, stop for a second, take a breath, and answer these questions. And if you are feeling completely inundated with information and aren’t sure if you will even remember one word of what I just typed, remember this: Zorro is the coolest!