June 4, 2020
I was wiping down the sink and countertop in our bathroom while my son showered, as he had expressed he wanted me to “Keep me company, Mom!”
He had a stomachache, and he had been pretty negative just before dinner. He was in a good mood now, and I could tell he was feeling calm and contemplative with the hot water refreshingly dripping down over his dirt-caked, busy little boy body. I took advantage of the opportunity of having his full attention (because sometimes it is tricky to get his full attention, to be sure) and decided to try to explain to him the likely connection between some of his tummy aches and frustration surrounding his less-than-ideal eating habits.
I explained to Justin that an active, growing boy like him requires a lot of calories, consistently. We frequently identify when one of our family members might be a little “hangry” (hungry/angry), so I reminded him that his attitude seems to be especially affected when he gets too hungry. Then I said we should make a plan where he eats something (ideally with protein) every two and a half hours or so, and goes no longer than three hours before eating. I tried to explain things like metabolism (and how his is extremely high). He had a few questions for me, we went back and forth with details for a bit, and then he was quiet.
*Sound of shower spraying*
“Mom?” he queried, after quite a long, thought-filled pause.
Oh, good, I think. He really heard and understood what I said, and now he is going to confirm it. Maybe now interactions surrounding meals won’t be so exhausting.
Here it comes: “I wish I weren’t so skinny. Then I wouldn’t get so cranky!”
Well, that’s not quite what I was getting at . . .
Sometimes I have a conversation with someone that feels similar to this. It feels like I am sure that person heard me and completely understood the point(s) I was trying to make. Then a response or action from that person proves otherwise. Sound familiar to anyone else?
Effective communication is, um, well, I’m not sure exactly what words to use to finish this sentence. (You get what I’m saying, right? If not, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.)
Communication is tricky.
We have found that to be true more than ever during this time where our family of five has spent so much time together in small, confined spaces. We have had to be much more intentional about how we communicate with one another. My husband Jer has always had a great “canned” line that helps explain how what someone said or did made that person feel. It goes like this: “When you (did/said) _______, it made me feel ______.”
We obviously have many moments where we are frustrated that the people around us don’t seem to be “getting” what we are saying, though it seems so obvious to us. My encouragement during this especially challenging time is to first, give yourself some extra grace, then, give those around you some extra grace. And when you become frustrated because of inevitable communication issues, maybe try that canned phrase and see how it goes.
And if the conversation or interaction still doesn’t go as planned, try that whole extra grace thing again. Blog ya later.
