I get to accompany our middle and high school choirs for their concerts. When I start playing, I get nervous. I begin to anticipate different sections of the score that have been tricky for me when practicing. My mind flits to a section where there is a key or tempo change, or a spot where my fingers have consistently struggled correctly reaching chord transitions. My heart starts to beat with urgency, and it becomes challenging to keep my eyes on the current measure.

The temptation is to look ahead. The temptation is to turn to the next page so I can see what is coming.

As soon as I allow my eyes to stray too far ahead, though, I mess up. I pluck a wrong note. When I give in to the temptation to rush, it throws off the entire cadence and rhythm. This becomes a problem not just for me, but for the director and the entire choir that I am supporting and accompanying.

I know it is not a good idea, so why do I still try to look ahead too far?! Why do I let the anticipation of possible rough patches shake my confidence and take my focus off the present moment?! Why can’t I keep my eyes on what is important now?!

The song sounds so much better when each part receives appropriate attention and intention.

When do you struggle to feel like you are being present?
When are times you feel tempted to “turn the page” too quickly?
What strategies do you have for handling feelings of nervous anticipation and fear?
How might you give more attention and intention to one area of your life right now?

It is important to note (pun!) that I choose to enter in to this space of accompanying, even though I know those uncomfortable feelings will course through my body and attempt to hijack me. I choose to enter certain stressful spaces because the excitement of making music and being part of something bigger than myself is worth it. So I will continue to play and continue to work on keeping my eyes on the current measure, and I encourage you to do the same (and I don’t mean you have to play the piano, but you get that).